Accountability as an Asset
It's not a weakness. It's a need.
I’m an obliger. I need accountability to get things done.
In the words of Gretchen Rubin, who first coined the term “obliger” in her research on responses to expectations, an obliger’s motto is:
“You can count on me, and I’m counting on you to count on me.”
I recently revisited Rubin’s book The Four Tendencies as I was preparing for my upcoming class on writing routines (which begins this Wednesday: SIGN UP). I’d forgotten all about the diagram you see above, which demonstrates variations within each tendency.
Looking at this diagram last week, I realized: I was once was an obliger-rebel and am now more of an obliger-upholder. Obliger-rebels have trouble counting on themselves. For years, that was me: I’d park myself at the desk to write 1000 words a day because I didn’t trust myself to actually write during my writing time unless I had a metric I was trying to reach. If I wasn’t aiming for a daily word count goal or a deadline, my attention would drift toward social media or shopping sites or trying to get my Spotify playlist juuuuust right.
I had to write this way for a while: monitored, measured. But eventually, I required less accountability.
Key word: less. I still treat my writing time like an appointment, adding it to my timeblocking worksheet each week to make sure I show up for it. After all, I am an obliger! But during my writing time, I no longer feel the rebellious urge to jump ship. I stick with the work, and if my attention feels flimsy, I’ll go for a walk or read or move from the Scrivener file to my project notebook, finding a new way into the project.
Most of the writers who sign up for my classes are obligers. It’s an extremely obliger thing to do, signing up for a class: a way of meeting outer expectations, which is exactly what obligers excel at. In fact, I’d be willing to bet that most of you—subscribers of a newsletter about writing—have an obliger streak as well.
At first glance, The Four Tendencies might make it seem like there is a clear goal: to become an upholder, who meets both inner and outer expectations. But I don’t think that’s the point. The point, I believe, is to learn to view our tendencies as assets. When I give myself the accountability I need—the writing time on the calendar, the feedback swap with a friend—I do exactly what I want to do.
And over and over, what I want to do, more than anything else in the world, is write.
My upcoming class has an accountability directory, where writers can add their names as well as the kind of accountability they’re looking for in their writing lives.
Some examples of accountability directory entries:
I’m looking for someone to body double with on Wednesday nights after our class wraps up. That way, I can treat my writing time like an appointment.
I’m seeking a critique partner who’ll be willing to read and offer feedback on 10 pages of writing per month, in exchange for feedback on their work.
Once a month, I’d like to check in with a fellow writer about our work. I don’t have much of a writing community, and spending an hour talking to another writer would be game-changing.
I need an accountability partner so I can finish my novel. I don’t need feedback yet, but if I could just send a progress report once a week until I’m done, that would be amazing.
A ROUTINE OF ONE’S OWN
Class begins in less than two weeks. Join us?
When
May 7, 14, & 21 (Wednesdays)
7:30-9:00PM EST
Where
live on Zoom
recording provided
Cost
$200
payment plan of two equal installments available at checkout
Paid subscribers of this newsletter can find the code for $20 off below the paywall of last week’s newsletter.
HERE’S WHAT YOU’LL GET WHEN YOU SIGN UP FOR CLASS
💻 three 90-minute class sessions on Zoom
✏️ weekly homework assignments
📓 printable worksheets to correspond with our in-class exercises
👯♀️ access to the Accountability Directory
🎥 class recordings, available to stream throughout 2025
Learn more & sign up for class here.
Questions about my upcoming class? Leave a comment or reply to this email. I’d love to have you!
Questioner. Totally this.
Ooh I haven't thought about this book in a bit! I used to be a questioner, but now I think I'm a bit more of an obliger?